FUBAR
by Twinwolfsister
Summary: A humor fic, where a handful of people get thrown into the wilderness together and must survive. It's kind of a crack fic between friend and I based off a dream I had.
1. Chapter 1

I was sitting on the couch at my friend Jamie's place typing up another chapter in a fanfiction on my laptop, while she wrote up the next chapter of her soon to be published book in a notebook from the seat next to me. We could hear Dee in the living room behind us watching Vampire Knight on the tv. It was normal for us, a group of antisocial friends absorbed in their own tasks just enjoying each other's company. A loud crack of thunder startled everyone and soon we were racing around the house trying to unplug things, or get windows closed as the wall of rain moved closer over the mountains. An earsplitting crack followed by a sickening ripping sound made me halt in my tracks, had something been struck? I looked around and couldn't find anything wrong so I reached for my laptop to close it only to be thrown backwards into a wall as soon as I touched it knocking the wind out of me.

I gasped as the sound of one of my guardians spoke up in my head... "Great job graceless 'did something get struck? better touch my laptop' Baka! Are you trying to get us fried!"

"Sorry, Sasuke. I-" I was interrupted by what sounded like tearing metal right by my head and then I was being pulled, or dragged backwards by something.

I screamed for help but no sound came out... Everything went cold and silent; both inside and out, no comforting or chastising voice of my guardians, no hey are you okay from my friends. The bright blurry colors whizzed and whirled past my head, and I had to wonder if I had been dreaming with my eyes open in the car again.

I couldn't see anything I recognised... it was like something out of Dr. Who or Twilight Zone or something. The panic set in as I tried to take a breath and couldn't, then another loud crack, and despite the panic I was glad to know I could hear then everything went black.

I'm not sure how long it had been since I awoke laying on my back, I just lay there looking up at the sky watched the time float by one cloud at a time. I could breath again I noticed, I could also hear the relaxing sound of birds chirping in the trees nearby so it was a safe bet to say my ears were working now too.

I started to feel drowsy and lethargic after a few dozen clouds had passed and so I fell asleep listening to the birds and the breeze through the grass, the warm sun on my skin soothing my sore muscles, honestly I would not be surprised if things were broken or bleeding but I was too tired and numb to care. I felt like I had been shoved through a woodchipper, then forced through a hose or something and somewhere along the way I lost my motivation to do much of anything more than lay here and think to myself.

I woke up to the sun being blocked from my face by someone standing over me, I recognised the silhouette but couldn't place from where. The man standing over me kneeled down and started poking and prodding, most places felt like I was badly bruised but nothing felt broke, not anymore anyway. I hissed in pain when he prodded my ribs gently, okay so apparently those were still worse for wear.

"Can you stand?" Wait that sounded like Sasuke's voice, my brother and my head guardian. Guardians are like Guardian Angels except well more often than not they are not angels, but a multitude of different things like elves, beast folk (Anthros), fairies, mers, dragons, vampires, weres, elementals, even true demons. And on that note I will clear something else up; true demons are things like kitsunes, and things like Hiei from Yu yu Hakusho or Lord Sesshomaru from Inuyasha. NOT the nasty sickly sweet con-artist evil thing that is depicted in the bible, what they speak of in that book is what the other races call villis it is an abomination of corrupted energy and malicious intent that was so strong that it eventually gained sentience, and not in a good way.

Now there are some rogue true demons out there that bring shame on the race as a whole, but these are exiles or soul junkies aka the demon equivalent of a crack addict and you will get those in any race. Sebastian from Black Butler is a great example of one of these even if he is on the reform. If these soul junkies get bad enough they can actually become Villis. I have ADD can you tell? Anyway back on topic Sasuke adopted me a long time ago after I rescued him from becoming consumed by the villis he had unwittingly let into his body and fixed his friendship with those he cared about after he murdered his brother but that still doesn't make sense... how was he here... guardians are on the astral level a sort of in between state, slightly out of phase so that we can hear them and if we are astral traveling or in trance we can see them and interact with them but never on the physical level so where the hell was here anyway?

He waved a hand in front of me to break me out of my wandering thoughts "I think so, is that really you?" I asked suddenly suspicious of a look alike as he backed away so I could stand, he was already used to my mental wanderings.

"Baka." he said as I tried to stand on my own and stumbled, he grabbed my arm and slung it over his shoulder as he helped me walk.

I giggled, 'Yep, definitely Sasuke.'

Sasuke's POV: My little adopted sister was always getting herself into plenty of trouble. Fortunately she was also relatively good at getting herself out of it as well. This was not one of those times, she hadn't really done anything and she was too out of it to help herself. I wasn't sure exactly what had happened but somehow she was physically on the same level of existence as me. As I helped her walk I wracked my brain to try and explain this. I guess it wasn't really all that important, or at least I hoped it wouldn't cause too many issues.

"Come on, we are nearly back to my camp." I said as I helped her hobble her sore exhausted ass, to someplace other than where she was prior.

"Wait... camp?"

"Hn." I responded plainly.

"When did you have time to set up a camp?"

"Wasn't sure how long we would be out here, or how cold it might get tonight or even how long it might take to find the others. So I fell back on my training, I set up a rough campsite real quick and got a fire going while you were resting. Then I came back for you and I think I sense Dee and Jamie over that way somewhere, but they seem to be moving our way so they are at least able to walk." I explained.

She blinked at me wide eyed and stared... I knew why, she wasn't used to hearing me talk this way.  
>"Don't look at me like that. It's creepy." I said deadpan.<p>

"Password." she demanded, glaring at me and now refusing to move.

I smiled and sighed "Blood Over Water. It's me I just fell back into old habits from back home. Now move it, the suns setting soon and we still need to catch dinner."

"That's better..." she sighed and smiled as I continued to half drag her in the direction of camp.

"You're paranoid." I mumbled at her flustered at having to waste time, but pleased that she would think to check.

"Yep!" And there she goes all giggly again.

A few minutes later we stepped through the trees and could see the fire burning low inside a circle of stones, there were four knee sized stumps to use as chairs sitting around the fire pit and a set up so we could cook later, if we managed to catch food anyway.

"I'm going to see if they need any help getting here, then I am going to catch us some dinner." I told her.

"Jamie doesn't eat fish..."

"Tough." I said as I stalked into the woods again. I heard her chuckle at that, she knew I meant it too. If someone was going to be picky about what they ate I would make them get it on their own. I was a natural at catching fish with Kunai and we were short on daylight.


	2. Meanwhile in Chapter 2

(meanwhile Jamie's POV)

The rain storm had come out of no where and we all rushed around the house to unplug anything that wasn't on a surge protected power strip and to get the windows closed. As I was shutting the one in the living room another flash ripped across the sky overhead. It startled me but should not have thrown me back, which was the next thing that happened. Though it was fast enough that I couldn't really tell if it happened next or at the same time. I was guessing same time by the fact that the world had gone dark and I felt... a whole lot of nothing. Oh, great had I gotten struck? Well shit, I hoped the others were okay.

I was lying in the tall grass, in the middle of who the hell knows where. The sky was clear over head and my only thought for the moment was that I was glad the damned storm was gone. I laid there and tried to feel if anything was broken or bleeding. I slowly moved my head, my neck seemed fine so I dared to look at my arms that I couldn't feel. They were attached at least, but as I knew dislocation could cause numbness, so I moved my fingers. Yep, that I could do. It was tingly but the feeling was starting to come back now, kind of like they had fallen asleep. I could feel my toes and hoped that meant that I wasn't paralyzed or anything like that. I slowly sat up and instantly regretted it as my head swam and pounded. Too fast, too fast. I carefully plopped back down and covered my head as I laid there, trying to convince the headache to go away. I'm not sure how long I stayed there like that but at some point I managed to get to a sitting position and my head had finally stopped hurting. I looked around and found charred bits of the window frame laying in the grass a few feet away from me. I could only see part of it but it was definitely toasted. I wasn't sure about standing just yet as my legs were still quite sore and didn't seem very cooperative about being even remotely stable.

"Babe?" I heard my girlfriend Dee calling for me.

Where was she? I could hear her but, "Babe!" she said more excitedly as she came up behind me and hugged me to her, "Are you okay?"

"I think so. I don't think anything is broken, so that's a start." I said as I smiled to her.

She helped me up and I knew my first conclusion about my legs had been right, they still weren't being very helpful and I had to lean on Dee to be able to stay standing. Still they didn't seem to be broken, just really sore. I looked at her and she seemed fine except for a small cut along her forehead.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I woke up in a tree." she said.

"Oh, so you fell out of it?"

"Yeah, kind of."

I looked at her and she knew she was going to have to explain that one, "I got startled awake by a pissed off squirrel. It was throwing stuff at me and I fell out of the tree. It was a short fall, so I'm okay. Have you seen Bo?"

"Nice subject change, darling." I said teasingly, "No not yet. Come on we should probably look for her and make sure she's alright too."

"Hey is that smoke?"

"Yeah, looks like a campfire. Come on lets go see if it's her!"

We were nearly at the tree line when I heard movement and made Dee stop.

"Wait." I said quietly.

"What's wrong?" she asked but was answered as we both heard the footsteps coming towards us, "Should we run?" she asked softly.

"I'm not sure. What if it's Bo?"

We were both ready to run if we had to but decided to wait and see who it was. They were definitely closer now and soon enough two young men were walking out of the forest. It didn't take me long to figure out who they were either, as I'd seen them before even if my memory of it was a little foggy. Gaara and Zero were walking towards us.

I breathed a sigh of relief and started forward, Dee tugged me back, "Who are they?" she asked nervously.

She had never met them, Bo and I could talk with them because we could astral project but Dee had never had any kind of control of it. She could do it from time to time but it was random and her memory of the experience was worse than ours had ever been.

"It's Gaara and Zero." I told her.

"You're sure?" she asked as I started forward again.

"Yeah. Hey guys." I said as we finally reached them.

"Are you both alright?" Zero asked.

"Yeah, we're okay. You guys?"

"We're fine. Have you seen any of the others?"

"No, not yet. I was hoping maybe you had. There is a fire going over that way, maybe it's them." I said pointing to the fire which was more visible from this angle.

"Perhaps. Let us hope that it is. Nice to meet you Dee." Zero said as we all began to walk together.

"Hi." Dee said uncertainly as she walked with us, "How is this even possible? Where are we? What happened? And how are you here? I was just watching you on tv!" Dee exclaimed as her own paranoia set in.

"None of really knows right now. We'll figure it out Dee, don't worry." Zero said in an attempt to be comforting.

While it did shut Dee up, it only left her brooding with her thoughts and doubts. I was wondering many of the same things but there was no point panicking about it if they didn't know any more about it than we did. At least we were together and I hoped we'd soon be finding Bo and who ever was with her as well.


End file.
